Running In Circles 365

Lately, my runs have been crap. My legs always feel tired, for no apparent treason. I mean, I’m sure as hell eating enough…that’s painfully obvious. I’m not happy with my body at the moment. At all. Also, school is just dragging out to the bitter end. Technically, tomorrow is the last day of school (Thursday is yearbook/graduation day, Friday is refund day (or shall I say, arrive and stay for half an hour, get your refund and go home)). BUT I have a huge English final tomorrow that’s stressing me out, and my IOC on Thursday, and I have to play with orchestra at graduation. Also tomorrow I have an audition for Utah Youth Symphony, so aslkfgnaklffngarkljtgndijfnfvsjiffngiejfnfg. That’s how I feel right now. Back to being frazzled and gray. I just wish that there would be some relief to the end of the year, but there isn’t any. Why am I so unhappy? Why can’t I run and feel normal again? Why, why, why. Sorry for the pessimism. I just feel like I’m drowning.

I struggled so much to stay awake in school today! It has been a pretty tough week and I’m just not happy. I try to stay positive, especially around my friends, but the fatigue is draining. Also, I haven’t been eating as cleanly as I should- too much bread and sugar and not enough veggies. That’s what happens when you’re too busy and stressed to cook though. And forget about my parents- my dad is never home for dinner and my mom doesn’t ever cook during the week, occasionally on weekends. Basically, if I want to eat cleanly, I have to do it myself. This isn’t a bad thing, but it just makes healthy eating hard when I’m so busy. Basically, the last several days have left me feeling bloated and gross. Ugh. I hate how school ends next week but I am busier than ever.

…And endorphins are not helping. I was riding the stationary bike and just got bluer and bluer…

I’m depressed that I’m injured.

Depressed that I haven’t run for a week and it feels like I won’t be running this week either.

Depressed that the first meet is on Tuesday.

Depressed because I am completely burned out with school.

Depressed by AP tests, IB tests, music federation, youth group, not getting enough sleep, wanting to be normal, never ending homework, practicing with the accompanist, my birthday, choosing a college, the SAT, the ACT.

I know that other people have much bigger issues than I do, but I am so tired of feeling anxious and stressed out all the time.